I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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