Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
