I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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