This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
God, I missed his penis.
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