I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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