Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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