i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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