Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize