that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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