Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
