so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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