I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
