Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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