We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
