her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
