Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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