I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
