i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
