Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize