You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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