You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
