when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
