Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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