Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
