playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
