Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
