she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize