That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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