I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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