The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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