Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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