I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
