I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
