Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
