I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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