she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
