So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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