quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
