The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
