To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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