I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
