I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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