Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
