M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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