Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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