he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
