I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
