Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
