i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
