I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
