i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
