he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
