careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
