The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
