So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
