How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
