I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
