did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm just crazy horny about you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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