We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
