Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Found the puke drawer
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
