i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
