New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
