We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
