I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
