It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
