At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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