I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
