I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it penis luge time yet?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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