i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
