Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
