he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Life is so much better after having sex.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
