I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
