Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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