I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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