People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
