Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize