He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize