My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
